Welcome! Come along with me as I try to capture daily happiness even when my jeans are too tight, my keys are lost, and my one elusive goal is to take a nap. This site is all about finding the EXTRA in the Ordinary. You know the laundry overflowing, can’t say no, working on deadline, moving at a mile a minute ordinary life that can be extraordinary with just a little attention.
Monica Scalf, founder of The Playground Group
It’s raining again here in Southwest Ohio. Gray days and January go together here like peanut butter and jelly. That plus the Christmas credit card bill can be a little depressing, or maybe a LOT depressing, this time of year!
As I sloshed through the yard today, I tried to look on the bright side … at least it’s not ice … at least Spring is on the way … at least I’m wearing rain boots.
That last one made me smile because one of the best things about this past holiday is that I passed on one of my favorite poems about rain boots. My daughter, my mother, my nieces, and my sister in law all received a copy of Sarah Kay’s poem “B” (aka “If I Had a Daughter”) along with their very own pair of rain boots.
If you have a daughter (or even a son), you will appreciate the message of Kay’s poem: life can sometimes be hard, but if you look, you can always find the beauty.
In one part of the poem she says,
I’ll always keep an extra supply of
chocolate and rain boots nearby,
because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix.
Okay, there’s a few heartbreaks that chocolate can’t fix.
But that’s what the rain boots are for.
Because rain will wash away everything if you let it.
During these January days, it’s important that we have our “rain boots” on to protect us from the blahs. Spring is out there, sunny days are out there, better moods are out there, we just have to be patient. I always give myself permission to be a little grumpy this time of year … be patient with yourself too.
I hope you get the chance to watch the first part of this video I’ve included … it is Sarah Kay performing her poem. The poem takes about 3 minutes to watch, the rest is worth it too if you have the time.
Extra-Ordinary Ideas:
Read It: You can get Kay’s poem in book form from Amazon.com
Do It: Put on your rain boots and face the rest of winter.
Think It: “Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain”
Watch It:
It’s been way too long since we’ve met like this. What’s going on in your world? Do you still remember me?? If I’m lucky, you missed your weekly dose of finding the Extra in the Ordinary. I know I’ve missed connecting with you.
I was shocked at how long it had been since I’ve posted a column… similar to the shock I feel when I hold up my jeans and think those look SO BIG, but alas, they fit like a glove every time!
So where in the world have I been? I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m TERRIBLE at compartmentalizing … so instead of keeping up the column while working to grow my business, The Playground Group, I put all of my creative energy into developing, designing and delivering workshops last year. And since I’m on the topic (beware shameless plug coming), check out our public workshops for 2012.
Now that I feel like that business is up and running, I’m ready to share my two cents and possibly even a nickel’s worth again. I hope you’re willing to listen. So onward!
This year for Christmas I got a new alarm clock. It’s pretty fancy and lately I’ve been waking up to the sounds of the ocean (only problem is now whenever my kids flush in the bathroom above us in the middle of the night, I wake up too!) Although I’m not crazy about alarm clocks in general, I do love the snooze button. It’s up there with one of the best inventions of all time.
The problem is it’s so easy to keep hitting it. And as I was reflecting on the New Year, I realized there are a few too many things that I’ve been hitting the snooze button on in my own life. That second book … snooze … that trip to Italy … snooze … taking a screenwriting class … snooze. And it’s not just the big stuff, it’s the little stuff too … having a movie night with my daughter, calling a friend to meet for dinner, spending time being creative for no reason at all … snooze, snooze, snooze.
So my wish for the New Year is to be more aware of when I’m hitting snooze in my own life … and while I won’t be able to do it all, I can at least focus in and set my sights on a few long held goals.
So while I’m working on that second book, I’ll be wondering what you’ve been postponing in your own life and wishing that this is the year you go for it!
EXTRA-Ordinary Ideas:
Read It: One of my favorite New Year’s reads … A Gift from The Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh … this is one I keep going back to every year.
Gift from the Sea
Do It: Pick one do-able thing that you’ve been putting off that you would really, really look forward to if it finally got on your calendar. Make a space for it this month.
Think It: “The object of the New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.” G.K. Chesterton
My son is “growing like a weed” as they say. His twelve and a half year old self has grown several inches in just a few months. Suddenly, he’s just 3 inches shy of me! And my daughter, still tiny at 14, is making leaps and bounds emotionally. Getting ready to head to high school in the Fall, she suddenly seems so independent, capable, and competent (all the things I wanted her to be, of course, but already?! …). They’re both navigating through some growing pains physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Not to be left out of the party (I am the one who went back for Invisilign when my kids both got braces), I realized I’m going through some of my own growing pains. At first I resisted, saying to myself that I was just being silly getting so wrapped up in noticing all of these CHANGES in my kids. That wasn’t working so well. Just shy of a few meltdowns, I realized that it was going to be easier to pause, take a look around life, feel good about how far we have all come together as a family, reflect on how much goodness there has been to this point, and then celebrate (instead of being so afraid of) moving forward.
And I have to say this approach has been so much easier. Parenting teens is hard enough; I didn’t need the added layer of dread that comes with resisting what’s going to happen anyway. The adventure of parenting is always exciting because it’s ever changing. One thing remains the same … I’m never sorry when I pay attention to what’s going on in their worlds. And I’m still excited when they want to share the latest that’s going on in their lives … I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow that!
As they say, no pain, no gain … and there’s a lot to gain still.
No matter what stage of life you’re in, growing pains can be a huge blessing that remind you of all the good life has served up and all the good that is still to come.
Extra-Ordinary Ideas
Read It: By Regina Brett … this is a great, easy read by a columnist from Cleveland who has a sense of the practical that I love.
God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours
Do It: Check in to see what you’re resisting. Are you stopping yourself from moving forward?
Think It: “You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.” Irish Saying
Have you ever noticed that when you’re eating a really good meal there’s always one bite that seems like the “best bite”? It has the perfect mix of flavor, texture, and temperature.
I’ve become a little obsessed with making a mental note every time I have a best bite moment!
It reminds me that paying attention is the biggest part of life, and the part that’s so easy to skip in the hurry up pace of today’s world.
Actually, the best bite mentality can spill over into lots of other areas. Have you ever noticed that if you look for the good in someone instead of all of the flaws you start being able to appreciate them in a new way? Have you ever noticed that if you stop the mental chatter about everything you don’t like about yourself and focus on what you do like, you feel a heck of a lot better?
Try noticing the “best bites” in your life for a few days. I’m guessing you’ll start to notice that even though your plate is full, it’s full of delicious moments!
Extra-Ordinary Ideas
Read It: Bossypants by Tina Fey. I just started this book, and I’ve already had several laugh out loud moments.
Bossypants
Do It: Get your summer groove on. Be a step ahead of the game and decide on a few (fun and simple) things that you want to do over the summer. Cleaning out the garage is not included!
Think It: “We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.” Calvin & Hobbes
I’m sure you’ve got tons of extra time on your hands to write a love letter to someone. Maybe you’re saying, “I’ll get right on that once I clean out the car, find my way to the bottom of my desk, and plant the Spring annuals.”
I know how you feel. Sometimes it smacks me up side the head just how important it is to carve out time to do something as frivolous as write down how we feel about someone else.
Over a year ago, I wrote this letter to my daughter on the occasion of her 13th Birthday. It won’t be long and she’ll be 14, graduating from grade school and headed to high school in the Fall. Along the way, there have been some regrets as a parent, but I never regret taking the time to write this letter. I hope it inspires you to write your own to someone dear to you. A version of it appeared in Our Town magazine last Spring, but when I came across it this week, I wanted to share it again.
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When you meet your spouse as a teenager, your firstborn turning 13 has a whole new meaning. And even though lately she’s taken to walking at least a good 20 feet ahead of me wherever we go, I couldn’t let the milestone pass without reflecting a little. The letter to follow is more for me than for Carli, but that’s ok, I think I’ve earned it.
Dear Carli,
Thirteen years ago Dad and I whisked you out of the hospital. You were cocooned in your car seat and wearing a little pink hat. While Dad carried you, I carried a stash of diapers that were each so tiny they could fit in the palm of my hand.
When you were three weeks old, we rode all the way home from KK and Papa Rick’s and forgot to buckle you in. Even though your little bamboo neck was all wonky, and you were curled up in a little ball in your seat, you survived our first big mistake. I cried for an hour and told Dad, “This isn’t a joke. We have to be really careful now.” I emphasized now as if carefulness up to this point didn’t really matter. And looking back, I have to say, in some ways it didn’t.
But now, you’re a teenager, and I know, you hate it when I start on my story kick. To you, thirteen years was forever ago, but to me it’s palpable, so vivid I can smell it, the Johnson’s Baby Shampoo, the Dreft fabric softener, Gerber bananas, Isomil, and the unique scent of your favorite blankie.
I could spend thousands of words talking about how once you were born it was like someone had wrapped my heart in string lights, and each year when I thought the lights couldn’t get any brighter or more beautiful, they did.
I can just see you rolling your eyes as you read this, thinking, “Really, Mom, do you have to be so dramatic?” But a birthday like this stirs the pot, loosens the grip on memories that I have held tight. It doesn’t seem like that long ago when I was thirteen. My friend Susie and I called boys from her basement telephone, coated our lips with strawberry Bonne Bell lip gloss that stung with fruitiness, and stayed up all night talking about what it would be like to go to high school or kiss a boy or meet our future husbands on a trip to Kings Island.
You’re much more refined and capable than I was at 13. I was still eating Cocoa Puffs and Spaghettios, watching Brady Bunch reruns and General Hospital after school, and sleeping until noon when I could. You love granola and yogurt, grilled asparagus, anything with shrimp, and Dad’s Saturday morning omelets with things like spinach, red peppers and pepperjack cheese. You watch sophisticated shows like Lost and The Office and get up early to satisfy your book habit or practice your guitar.
I know you’re thinking, “Enough, Mom, this is getting weird.”
So I’ll get to the point. You’re pretty incredible. In fact, most thirteen-year-olds are, they just don’t believe it.
When I was in second grade, I used to accidentally wear my Brownie uniform on the wrong day. I’d come to school all dressed in my brown knee socks, tan jumper, and little orange necktie. At 8:05 I ‘d realize the mistake I made, and my stomach would sink and for the rest of the day, the world was just wrong.
Sometimes that’s what being a teenager feels like, like you showed up on the wrong day, wearing the wrong thing, and everyone is looking at you, and it’s all your fault. It’s not always easy being in the space between knowing and understanding, between child and adult, between insecure and confident.
Thirteen is desperate to belong, but to what is the question. And, my advice is belong to you. Spend less time worrying about what others think and more time trying on life, seeing what fits and what doesn’t. Love what you love and do what you want to do because in the pit of your stomach it feels right, not because someone else told you to or you think you should. Don’t waste your time trying to be like everyone else, that only works for so long, and you might as well get a jump start on being authentic. If you’re not, life can be miserable.
But most importantly, have fun. Watch goofy movies and stay up until the wee hours at sleepovers, sing out loud to the radio and dance in front of the mirror, get the giggles and poke fun at yourself. In other words, soak up everything that 13 has to offer. If you sponge up those memories, they’ll last you a lifetime.
Love,
Mom
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Extra-Ordinary Ideas
Read It: Will You Still Be My Daughter? by Carol Lynn Pearson
Will You Still be My Daughter?: A Fable for Our Times (Fable for Our Times, 3)
My mom gave me this book and I still treasure it.
Do It: Write a note to someone you love. Even if it’s only a couple of paragraphs it will be a keepsake forever.
Think It: “To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart.” Phyllis Theroux
