I’m betting that saying “no” to someone isn’t on your list of favorite things to do. Mine either, but with practice and a little forethought this little two-letter wonder can work wonders in your own life.

In case you haven’t noticed, there are plenty of things in your life that you have to say “yes” to . . .work obligations, family obligations, household obligations. I’m betting you dole out yes’s like parade candy. In fact you probably give them away so often that when you encounter a no brainer no you say “yes” before you even know what hit you.

A no brainer no is saying “no” to something that the only reason you would think about saying yes is that you don’t want others to think poorly of you or talk bad about you to others. A no brainer no doesn’t affect your job, your closest relationships, or your health or safety.

Let me give you an example. An acquaintance asks you to go to a concert with her and a group of moms (or maybe it’s a group of co-workers). You really don’t care for the main act, and you’ve been so busy that adding the concert would produce a certain amount of dread and one more thing to do thoughts. But you’re worried that this person will be disappointed, so you consider saying yes.

This is where you stop, step back and see a few things clearly:
- In the big picture, it’s ok if this person is a little disappointed.
- Wouldn’t you rather say “yes” to yourself than to someone else?
- Think of how relieved you will feel once the “no” is over and done with.

If you take a step back, you can see this a no brainer no. To find the Extra in the Ordinary, we have to push ourselves to feel a little uncomfortable at times, but the payoff is big once you get used to saying “yes” to you. And a simple, “Thanks for the invitation, but I’m going to have to pass,” works wonders. The next time a “no brainer” no pops up, try it!

Extra-Ordinary Ideas:

Read It:  Say yes to reading a great book this summer. I’m loving The Summer Guest by Justin Cronin. The Summer Guest

Do It: Ever thought about all of the gracious ways to say No? Be prepared with a few of your own ways to say no.

Think It: “When you say yes to everything, you say no to something really important, and most of the time it’s YOU.” -unknown source

Giveaway Winner for June:  Gena from West Chester won a book and a t-shirt for this tip for helping kids keep fears at bay.  Thanks Gena!

Yesterday, my daughter, Olivia approached me holding a bottle of Yankee liquid air freshener and asked me if this was the “Monster Spray”.

When she was little and scared to sleep by herself because of monsters, I would spray her room and under her bed. She truly believed it was a special concoction to get rid of monsters. The fake label glued to the front of the bottle sealed the deal when she questioned me the first time I used it.

Worked every time!

So if you haven’t been bitten by the Facebook bug, you’re probably holding hard and fast to the decision that it’s not for you. I’m fine with that (no, really, even though it’s a great way to feel connected, share some humor, and accomplish ethical spying on others, I respect your decision). As I was perusing my own FB account this week, I found a note that I had written last February in response to a challenge that was being passed around at the time: Write 25 random things about yourself. When I re-read the challenge and my responses, I thought about how good it made me feel to write that note, even if it was a little self-indulgent. It allowed me to do what I encourage others to do when I speak to groups and organizations about finding the extra in the ordinary, and that is to take a step back and reflect in order to grow.

When is the last time you gave yourself 15 minutes to really think about yourself and contemplate all the little things that make you “you”?

I encourage you to create your own list of 25 Random Things (if you haven’t already). It’s sure to put a smile on your face as you naturally reflect on your strengths and weaknesses, your passions and aversions, and the people who are ever present in your life. Here’s my list of 25 if you haven’t seen it yet. Hopefully, it will get you thinking about starting your own. To find the extra, you first have to be willing to go with what you’ve got, and be proud of all the little quirks that make you uniquely you.

1. The first sentence is always the hardest to write. ALWAYS.
2. I’m the luckiest girl in the world — according to me of course.
3. I’m annoyingly optimistic and nice. I feel sorry for people when I shouldn’t.
4. I have cheese rules, and if you know me really well, you already know that.
5. There’s no better outfit than a crisp white shirt and jeans.
6. I’ve never grown tired of spending time with my husband, and we’ve been together a long, long time. Can you imagine still loving your high school boyfriend?
7. Parenting a teen daughter brings back a flash flood of memories (some good, some bad). Parenting a 11 year old boy makes me savor every hug and snuggle.
8. I have an unrelenting itch to help people feel less alone in a big world. I hope my writing accomplishes that.
9. Growing up, my mom was the only person who took a cart through Convenient : )  She taught me it’s good to be different.
10. Vacations with my foursome are heaven on earth.
11. Teaching students to really write and forget the rules for awhile is very rewarding.
12. I have a deep affection for comfy clothes.
13. My brother has been a steady constant in my life. He’s one of the kindest people I know, and if you don’t know him, well, you’re just missing out.
14. I believe in quality over quantity.
15. I stink at remembering things, but I’m great at generating new ideas.
16. At 35, I suddenly wanted to dance – anytime, anywhere – (much to my family’s dismay).
17. My favorite dance music is Justin Timberlake, WT*?
18. I need to spend more time being social. Any takers?
19. The most fun job I’ve ever had is naming products. If I had to name myself, I’d go with Plain Vanilla.
20. I (like millions of other women) hate my stomach. It will never, ever be flat. I’m trying to learn acceptance – doubtful! (See post below!)
21. I hardly ever answer my cell phone. I don’t let the ring interrupt a good thought. My husband and brother hate this about me.
22. I’m addicted to information and any kind of cinnamon candy – consuming both at once is delightful.
23. I was born to live near the ocean – still working on that.
24. I love that my kids are good people.
25. Laughing is the greatest gift on earth.

Pretty random, right? Hope it inspires you to make your own. I’d love it if you made it and sent it to me!

Extra-Ordinary Ideas

Read It:  I ran across this article in the New York Times.  Pets are a great way to find the extra in life.  Check out this article.

Do It:  Create and share with someone your own list of randomness.

Think It:  “Today you are You that is truer than true.  There is no one alive that is Youer than You.”  Dr. Suess

If your life is anything like mine, you probably don’t have much extra time to take in a movie, read a book, or hang out in front of the TV. But here’s one reason why we shouldn’t feel guilty the next time we get wrapped up in a good story whatever the medium (even if it is an episode of Days of our Lives . . . I have to admit that show got me through college).

The reason we should MAKE time for those little luxuries with a beginning, middle and end can be summed up in one word: REFLECTION.

A great story is the perfect invitation to reflect on our own lives. And if you haven’t recognized it yet, reflection is the ultimate road to mental, spiritual, and emotional growth. Think about a story that you love. I’m sure at some point it stirred up a certain amount of emotion for you. You probably looked at life in a whole new way after engaging in the story. You may have even encountered a story that changed the trajectory of your whole life (now that requires a really, really good story!). If nothing else, great stories make you form good questions that you can chew on for a few days.

In our hurry up, text centered, DVR paced world, one thing that has diminished is organic time for reflection. Stories help us out. It’s impossible not to reflect during a good story. And it’s a great way to connect to others. Who hasn’t had a conversation about that new blockbuster movie they saw or the bestseller that they devoured over the weekend? At heart, we’re forever a storytelling culture.

So force yourself to find some time to soak in a story. Your soul will thank you for it.

EXTRA-Ordinary Ideas:

Read It: Exquisite writing . . . this book makes me want to be a better writer and a better person . . . Lift by Kelly Corrigan.

Lift

Do It: Pick your medium and go for it. Consume a story or two this week.

Think It: “The unread story is not a story; it is little black marks on wood pulp. The reader, reading it, makes it live; a live thing, a story.” Ursula K. LeGuin

Several years ago I picked my son up at preschool and decided that since we had the whole day to spend together, we might as well go to the local amusement park.   He was thrilled and felt like a king since he was going solo.   As we entered the park and started walking around, he looked up at me and said, “This is the Mom I never knew!”  

Of course, I cracked up, but the moment has stayed with me.   Since then, I’ve often asked myself, “How can I be the person my (fill in the blank — husband, kids, parents, siblings, friends) never knew?”   In other words, what can I do that might be out of the ordinary that will bring a surprise dose of joy to someone else? yes”>  

Most of us have a tendency to hold back when it comes to being delightful to others.   As we grow up, we begin to create a shell around us that is layered with thoughts and limitations of how we are supposed to act. yes”>  When we break out of that shell occasionally and go above and beyond expectations, something magical happens. yes”>  We feel a hopefulness about life and those we share it with.   And it doesn’t require visiting Sponge Bob at a themepark (although this scores big points with the preschool crowd).   It can be as simple as leaving a note for someone or baking something for them for no reason at all.  I’m sure you’re filled with your own great ideas.   Now, you just have to put them in action and be the person they never knew!

EXTRA-Ordinary Ideas:  

Read It:   Surprise people by being a better conversationalist.  Small Talk by Debra Fine will help you get there.  

The Fine Art of Small Talk: How To Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills — and Leave a Positive Impression!

Do It:   I’m hooked on TED talks.   Check out the site and this talk on gratitude.  

Think It:   “The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. yes”>  It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us.”   - Ashley Montagu

When my daughter asked to take guitar lessons last Fall, I wrote it off as another passing phase. When she was still asking around Christmas, I figured it was time to take her seriously. So under the tree was a guitar that I realized had a 50/50 chance of being the next great clothes hanger by the same time next year. I had visions of my poor flute that got cast aside after a frustrating few weeks in the fourth grade.

I’m happy to say that this week, after two months of lessons, we have music! What for weeks were random notes are now parts of “Stand By Me” and “Ghostriders.” She has already far surpassed my musical ability (not to mention my patience). Rarely, do I get such an up close and personal reminder of the power of persistence and the invigorating confidence that comes from learning something new. My daughter lights up when she’s playing for us.

Sometimes in our instant world, I forget that doing anything well requires showing up and putting in the time — that includes relationships with ourselves and others, new skills we want to learn, and the qualities in ourselves that we want to develop. Putting our noses down and pressing forward isn’t easy in a new endeavor, but if we can just keep doing the work, the payoff is huge, and regardless of what you’re doing, the end result will be music to your ears.

Extra-Ordinary Ideas:

Read It: If you never have time to learn anything new because of time drainers like e-mail, read this article to get a handle on your in-box.

Do It: If your learning something new has to do with writing, check out these on-line classes.

Think It: “Energy and persistence alter all things.” Benjamin Franklin