I often joke that the best investment I ever made was buying 2 cheese coneys back in 1989.

They were for my future husband at the very beginning of our budding high school romance. I insisted on paying the check at Gold Star Chili because I had a great job developing pictures in the one-hour photo lab at Kroger… I know, what a high roller, right?

When he protested, (not a lot, but a little) I said, “I can afford it … I want to.” Really, I just wanted him to notice me, to know I was different, and to get to his heart through 2 things I already knew he liked… food and free stuff. The rest is history. And almost 23 years later, I’ve never forgotten the moral of my story, you have to give to get.

In our “doing a thousand things at once world,” it’s easy to forget the power of doing something out of the ordinary for someone else. We can all get stuck in a rut of feeling underappreciated and overwhelmed, and the last thing on our minds is doing one more thing for someone other than ourselves.

I once read that if you feel like something is missing in your life, try giving that same thing to others and see what happens. If you’re feeling lonely, reach out and visit someone who may be feeling lonely too. If you’re feeling like no one is noticing everything you do, pick one person and tell her how much you appreciate the difference she is making. Send a card, write a text message, or pick up the phone. It’s funny the way the world works, because you’ll soon find that same thing showing up in your own life on a day when you most need it. If you don’t believe me, just try it.

Extra-Ordinary Ideas:

Read It: The Rhythm of Life by Matthew Kelly If you’re feeling out of sync, this a great book to help you step back and make positive changes.
The Rhythm of Life: Living Every Day with Passion and Purpose

Do It: Think of one thing you would love someone else to do for you, then ask yourself “Can I do this for someone else this week?”

Think It: “If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.” Dalai Lama

It’s raining again here in Southwest Ohio.  Gray days and January go together here like peanut butter and jelly.  That plus the Christmas credit card bill can be a little depressing, or maybe a LOT depressing, this time of year!

As I sloshed through the yard today, I tried to look on the bright side … at least it’s not ice … at least Spring is on the way … at least I’m wearing rain boots.

That last one made me smile because one of the best things about this past holiday is that I passed on one of my favorite poems about rain boots.  My daughter, my mother, my nieces, and my sister in law all received a copy of Sarah Kay’s poem “B” (aka “If I Had a Daughter”) along with their very own pair of rain boots.

If you have a daughter (or even a son), you will appreciate the message of Kay’s poem: life can sometimes be hard, but if you look, you can always find the beauty.

In one part of the poem she says,

I’ll always keep an extra supply of

chocolate and rain boots nearby,

because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix.

Okay, there’s a few heartbreaks that chocolate can’t fix.

But that’s what the rain boots are for.

Because rain will wash away everything if you let it.

During these January days, it’s important that we have our “rain boots” on to protect us from the blahs.  Spring is out there, sunny days are out there, better moods are out there, we just have to be patient.  I always give myself permission to be a little grumpy this time of year … be patient with yourself too.

I hope you get the chance to watch the first part of this video I’ve included … it is Sarah Kay performing her poem. The poem takes about 3 minutes to watch, the rest is worth it too if you have the time.

Extra-Ordinary Ideas:

Read It:  You can get Kay’s poem in book form from Amazon.com

B by Sarah Kay

Do It:  Put on your rain boots and face the rest of winter.

Think It: “Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain”

Watch It:

Have you ever mentally banged your head against a wall?

I was doing just that the other day as I realized that my son had a major school project due the next day.  It had magically remained unspoken by my son and unnoticed by me. (Had it really been four weeks since I checked the teacher newsletter? . . . Really?)

As I paged through the work that he considered “finished,” I knew that he had a long night ahead of him finishing up and sprucing up the final product.

I had one of those maternal moments of divine intervention where you trade in what you’d love to say for more appropriate teachable moment language.

I said something about not waiting until the last minute, about the power of presenting neat, easy to read, thoughtful work, instead of a collection of unorganized papers in random sizes and fonts.  I think I remember the words be neater and more organized somewhere in the rhetoric.

Midway through my words of wisdom, I glanced over at my desk a.k.a. the shrine to randomness.  In fact, right now it looks like a game of “I Spy” and no lie, it includes, among many other things, a man’s tie, a half consumed UDF fountain drink, Bubble Yum, a pack of Crayola crayons, and a seven and a half inch talking Yoda.  (Hey, a girl’s gotta have a mentor, right?)

Is there a poster child for Do as I say and not as I do? If so, I might be in the running.

I’m a haphazard cyclone of half finished projects, dead mums, and overflowing cabinets, mixed with just enough smoke and mirrors to appear as a pulled together, competent, contributing mom, business owner, and writer.  (And to all of my clients and potential clients who are reading this, YES, I’m absolutely competent. Especially if it’s been a two Diet Coke morning.)

Despite my flaws, I’m also savvy enough to know that I’m in good company. Would you want to show the world the inside of your purse, or have someone knock on your front door right this moment and want to use the master bathroom?  I thought so.

My life is messy, full of contradictions, and anything but perfect, but it’s also meaningful and creative and full of small moments where I chuck everything and just enjoy life.  I think that’s an important lesson too.

So as I insisted that he continue until his project was more presentable, I also let myself off the mommy guilt hook.  I do my time being neat and organized when it counts, and he’s learning how to do that too.  But feeling guilty over a less than perfect desk, house, purse, car, you name it . . . I’m over that.  Even Yoda agrees with me on this one.  He said so.

Extra-Ordinary Ideas:

Read It:  The Ultimate Mom A collection of all things Mom by Maria Bailey.  This is a book of funny and uplifting stories that help Moms to realize they’re not alone.  A friend of mine, Jane Bretl has a story of her own included.

The Ultimate Mom: Uplifting Stories, Endearing Photos, and the Best Experts’ Tips on the Toughest Job You’ll Ever Love

Do It:  Cut yourself a break on something this week.  Give up the guilt!

Think It:  ”My theory on housework is if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.  No one else cares. Why should you?” Erma Bombeck

When is the last time you thought about the word “uh-huh”? I bet you’ve said it way more than you’ve thought about it. And yes, it’s an actual word. I looked it up to make sure. It’s an interjection that dates all the way back to 1889, and Webster’s says it expresses affirmation, agreement, or gratification. In my world, it also expresses “I stopped listening to you ten minutes ago.”

Lately, I’ve come down with a severe case of the “I’m pretending to listen” uh huhs. Whenever my mind gets overloaded, I realize that my listening skills drop dramatically – kind of like a huge brick from the top of a skyscraper. My kids, my husband, and other family members usually feel the ensuing fallout. Lucky for me (and them), I’m trying to be more aware of my tendency to mindlessly bump the bricks.

A true and inexpensive gift we can give to the people (including the little people) that we live with and love is to really listen to what they are saying. More times than not, I’m guilty of tuning out, formulating my next response, or scrolling through my mind’s ever present to do list as someone else is speaking to me. Listening is one of those things we tend to take for granted. We think we’re just naturally going to be good at it forever. It really takes continued practice and patience to stay on top of our game. So the next time you say uh huh, make sure you really mean it.

EXTRA-Ordinary Ideas:

Read It: This book comes highly recommended from a friend. I’ve enjoyed other books by Dr. Wayne Dyer, and I’m sure I’ll enjoy this one too.

Excuses Begone!: How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking Habits

Do It: Monitor how and when you use your uh huhs this week.

Think It: “Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” Unknown

Remember the good old days when finding friends was as easy as offering them a length of Bub's Daddy at the ball fields? I’m thankful to say that I still have some of those friends from the Lindenwald Little League concession stand, but recently I’ve been thinking about the way new friendships have the power to enrich life and how hard they can be to find. I’m talking the size of your social network – the people you can depend on and that depend on you when life gets overwhelming.

This doesn’t just happen overnight, but if you open yourself up to the possibility of finding a few more close friends, your body and mind will thank you for it. As humans, we’re hardwired to be among others, and when we aren’t, our bodies send out distress signals that mirror pain. Our stress inducing hormones increase, and we’re more likely to have a suppressed immune system.

On the flip side, studies show that as we age, the amount of contact that we have with friends increases our life satisfaction and adds years to our longevity. Participating in groups or activities in which we have a true interest (taking a class, volunteering, going to a hobby based gathering) is one of the easiest ways to connect with others who have similar interests. Friendships take time to grow, but the first step is being open to expanding your inner circle and taking the lead. Life gets better when you share it (and your bubblegum).

Extra-Ordinary Ideas:

Read It: Check out this article on friendship and aging.

Do It: Buying a perfect gift for a friend is one of the perks of friendship. Check out SomeoneSpoilMe.com for all kinds of ideas.

Think It: “I get by with a little help from my friends.” John Lennon